Processing Grief Is Confusing, but That’s Why It Makes Sense
After my father died seven years ago, I went into “get things done” mode. We had to figure out the family finances, what to do with his car, and all the many things he quietly did without us realizing.
I didn’t process much emotionally partly because I wanted to support my mom through the changes she was experiencing and help her understand the household and financial fallout that occurs after someone dies. This was new to all of us, so I hustled to make it easier. But it was also because I wasn’t quite sure what there was to process. My dad was quiet, and while I have grieved him as a silent parent, it took quite some time to get there.
Now, seven years later, I realize his purpose and love for his family more and more every day. His quietude and somewhat boring nature no longer stick out in my mind anymore. Now I remember his smile, his jokes, and the ways he fought for me.
But it has taken me this long to see that, which seems ridiculous. I knew him my whole life, so shouldn’t I know all this already?
I think I did know a lot of it. But what is buried beneath our current state stays buried until it is triggered to rise. The process is never complete.
They say “grief comes in waves,” and, while I believed it whenever anyone said it, I…
