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Obedient Kids Scare Me
Like most people, I appreciate when a baby doesn’t cry on a plane and when a child says “please” and “thank you.” Polite behavior and a smooth flight are nothing to complain about. But there is a line between good manners and blind obedience.
I’m not a parent, but I was a child. As a kid, there were several times I submitted to the will of my parents without understanding why. Why can’t I see my friend? Why can’t we get cable TV? Why can’t I make a mistake? Why do I have to stop playing the piano? While some of this seems vain, I was a child and children are meant to play. When you keep hearing “no” or “stop” or “that’s wrong,” you stop asking for permission. You abide by the rules or find a way to sneak around them.
I did both.
I lied about how much TV I watched while my parents were at work, but I limited my time with friends. I snuck out to see my high school boyfriend, but I wouldn’t dare have sex with him. I ping-ponged between obedience and defiance so much I didn’t have the space to stand still.
When I heard “no,” I saw an exhausted parent, so I didn’t want to push. Instead, I tried to weasel around while being a model student, retreating to my bedroom, my sanctuary, to do homework and relish in my personal space.
My obedience became synonymous with people-pleasing and submission. I never knew…
